Hospital Experience #15: Janet and Richard - Preparedness

This is the fifteenth in a series of posts on a recent experience at Ochsner Hospital - having a cardiac catheter ablation procedure to correct a heart arrhythmia. These posts describe and reflect on various aspects of the hospital experience. This fifteenth post will reflect on the willingness of my sister Janet and her husband, Richard, to handle my affairs in case of my death or incapacitation.

One wonderful thing that came out of this hospital experience for me is that I now have a will, a living will, a medical power of attorney document, and a personal statement of my wishes on life and death issues. The reason I can have these documents is that generous people have agreed to take on responsible roles in the case of my death or incapacitation. My sister Janet and her husband, Richard, are co-executors of my will, and Richard is my medical power of attorney person. It gives me wonderful peace of mind to know that this has been taken care of.

These are serious responsibilities, and I thank Janet and Richard for accepting them. Janet and Richard have also kept me in their thoughts and prayers, encouraged me up to and through hospital day, and listened deeply to me.

Hospital Experience #14: David - Intention

This is the fourteenth in a series of posts on a recent experience at Ochsner Hospital - having a cardiac catheter ablation procedure to correct a heart arrhythmia. These posts describe and reflect on various aspects of the hospital experience. This fourteenth post will reflect on David's generous helpfulness.

David was especially helpful to me in these areas. He kept me in his thoughts and prayers. He offered me encouragement all the way up through hospital day. He listened deeply to me. He maintained a very positive attitude. He set aside an entire day and night to pick me up from the hospital on the day after the procedure and to keep an eye on me during my first day and night back home. As things fell out, this last wasn't needed because the ablation part of the procedure was not performed - the source of my arrhythmia turned out to be located in a place that made it non-ablatable. Since the ablation was not performed, I didn't need to stay overnight in the hospital for monitoring but was taken home the same day by Merry and was fine on my own.

Although David did not go through the physical actions of picking me up from the hospital or staying with me for a day and a night, I still consider this to be something that he did for me - because of his intention. David fully intended to do those things and had set aside an entire day and night to do them. As far as intention is concerned, David DID those things for me. None of us ever considered that there would be an unexpected change in plan at the last minute when my arrhythmia turned out to be non-ablatable.

This makes me think of a story that I've heard a number of times in different contexts, so it's likely to be an urban legend - nonetheless, it does make an important point. The story (or urban legend) opens with a little boy whose blood is a perfect match for his sister, who needs a blood transfusion to save her life. When asked if he is willing to give blood for his sister, the little boy remains silent for a time and then nods. Accordingly, blood is taken from him, after which he seems unusually withdrawn. When asked how he is doing, the little boy replies that he is wondering when he will start to die.

It turns out that the little boy thought that removing his blood to give to his sister meant that he would lose all his blood and die. When asked to give blood, the little boy thought of his love for his sister and decided that, yes, he was willing to die for her to live. In intention, this little boy had not just given blood - he had given his life for his sister.

When a person fully intends to do something for a friend, makes all the preparations for doing it, and sets aside the time to do it - but then is prevented at the last minute from doing it - I would say that this person has DONE the planned helpful action for the friend.

Not only did David provide this practical assistance in intention, but it was also clear that he was looking forward to doing so. David let me know that he was actually anticipating the pleasure of picking me up at the hospital and then spending twenty-four hours with me. He was enjoying the thought of talking with me, preparing food for me, or working quietly on his own projects at my place while I slept or rested - whatever was needed. This was an important part of David's gift - knowing that he would enjoy the giving.

In addition, David was especially helpful with his positive attitude. He kept reminding me that a good way to approach hospital day was to relax, think of the wealth of knowledge and skill of my doctor and medical team, and put myself into their competent hands, realizing that they know what they are doing and will take care of me. In this way, David helped me to remain calm in the weeks and days leading up to hospital day.

Besides this, David's depth of listening and sharing has been immeasurably helpful to me in processing thoughts, feelings, and insights about the hospital experience.

Hospital Experience #12: Yvonne - Healing Music Part 2

This is the twelfth in a series of posts on a recent experience at Ochsner Hospital - having a cardiac catheter ablation procedure to correct a heart arrhythmia. These posts describe and reflect on various aspects of the hospital experience. This twelfth post is the second of two posts reflecting on Yvonne's gift of healing music.

For greater understanding of this post, it will help to have read my previous post, "Hospital Experience #11: Yvonne - Healing Music Part 1," which describes healing music as played and sung by Yvonne and reflects on the aspects of comfort, presence, and healing in Yvonne's gift. This post, "Hospital Experience #12: Yvonne - Healing Music Part 2," will reflect on further aspects of this gift.

VIBRATION. Music is a powerful healing medium. I believe that this is because vibration is at the center of the universe. At the core of the universe, there is a pulse. At the core of every human being, there is a pulse - our heartbeat. Our core organ, the heart, embodies a life-giving vibration, pulse, beat, rhythm.

Rhythm is primary in music - enhanced by melody, harmony, timbre, and dynamics. In playing and singing for me, Yvonne was connecting with me at a very deep and primal level. Through music, she was speaking to me at my core. It is also worth noting that my medical issue was a heart arrhythmia, and Yvonne was sending healing music to me, healing rhythm.

BEAUTY. Beauty enhances any healing medium. If a patient needs bed rest, if is well to surround the patient with beautiful sights, sounds, textures, and scents. If a patient needs special baths, it is well to include candles and music. If a patient needs to be kept in traction, it is well to hang colorful mobiles from the bars. If a patient needs a special diet, it is well to add flowers to the meal tray. Beauty will heal because it touches the soul. The healing music played and sung by Yvonne took me into a world of intense beauty. Yvonne was bathing me in beautiful music.

SACREDNESS. Music is Yvonne's soul language. In playing and singing for me, Yvonne was taking me into the depths of her heart and holding me safely there. She was giving to me from her most sacred inner place. She was giving me the gift that is uniquely hers to give, the gift that gives her the most joy to give.

ART. Art heals - and with my previous blog post and this one, I see two art forms combining to effect a healing that my soul needs. These are music and writing. Writing is my art medium. Music is Yvonne's. Yvonne and I also share each other's media in that Yvonne also writes and I have also played, sung, and even composed music. But I would say that writing is more natural to me, as music is more natural to Yvonne. Also, Yvonne has gone far more deeply into her medium than I have into mine. Nonetheless, Yvonne's gift to me of music and my working with this gift through writing has effected and is effecting a profound healing.

INEXHAUSTIBLENESS. I believe that healing music opens channels that continue to effect healing. I can never say that I have received everything there is to be gleaned from this hospital experience and from Yvonne's gift. The healing will continue to unfold.

ENRICHMENT TO THE GIVER. Yvonne's gift included letting me know how giving to me had enriched her. Yvonne does not see herself as solely giving and me as solely receiving. In her view, my willingness to receive her gift was something that I gave to her, and this allowed her to give her gift and to receive what that experience held for her. I understand that the experience of giving her healing music to me held at least four gifts for Yvonne.

First, it allowed her to experience herself as overflowing. Erich Fromm in The Art of Loving describes three types of givers. The first type sees giving as depletion: such people experience giving as having less for themselves, so every act of giving becomes an act of diminishing their own supply. The second type sees giving as marketing: such people like to give only as part of an even exchange, so that every act of giving is matched by receiving something of equal value. The third type sees giving as indicative of abundance: such people experience joy in giving because their ability to give reminds them of how much they have and allows them to experience themselves as wealthy, even though, in an objective sense, they may be poor. Yvonne is the third type of giver. Giving to me afforded her the joy of experiencing herself as rich, abundant, overflowing, and generous.

Second, a crucial part of Yvonne's life purpose is developing and sharing her gift of music. Giving to me allowed her the soul satisfaction of fulfilling her purpose.

Third, Yvonne shared with me that giving to me of her music for four hours straight showed her that she has reserves of strength that she wasn't sure she had. This is because Yvonne had a stroke in the fall of 2009 and still has some limitations of movement on her left side. She also needs to expend more energy in performing tasks that were once automatic, which is tiring. Yvonne is still recovering from her stroke in a very real sense. After playing and singing for me all morning, Yvonne had the joy of realizing, "Wow! I do have the reserves of strength to play and sing healing music for someone for an extended period of time."

Fourth, Yvonne also shared with me that this post-stroke experience of giving has encouraged her to branch out and begin again to offer her healing music more widely in hospitals and clinics where she lives in Colorado. It deepens her knowing: "After the stroke, I still have an important musical gift to give. I have the stamina to do so. I can fulfill my life purpose. I can experience the joy of giving."

Hospital Experience #11: Yvonne - Healing Music Part 1

This is the eleventh in a series of posts on a recent experience at Ochsner Hospital - having a cardiac catheter ablation procedure to correct a heart arrhythmia. These posts describe and reflect on various aspects of the hospital experience. This eleventh post is the first of two posts in which I will reflect on the gift given me by Yvonne, a life-long friend and a pianist living in Colorado.

Throughout this hospital experience, Yvonne has supported me in many ways, including thinking of me and praying for me, contacting me before the procedure to express her love and concern, listening deeply to me, and most especially keeping vigil during the procedure. Yvonne kept vigil for me in a unique way: throughout the entire morning of my procedure, she played and sang healing music for me.

Yvonne has done this healing music for many people. She has done it for people who simply wanted the experience, for people undergoing illness or surgery or grief or trauma, and for people in the process of dying. She has done it for those who are physically present in the room with her and for those who are physically elsewhere.

Here is my understanding of the healing music Yvonne does. What I understand is that Yvonne sits at the piano and quiets her spirit, sets her intention to connect deeply with the spirit of the one for whom she is playing and singing, and begins to play. As she plays, early on, she feels herself slip into a place of connectedness. She then allows herself to be led to the pieces and songs she is to play and sing.

Yvonne says that, when she plays and sings in this way, she is very aware that something is being done through her rather than that she is doing something. She experiences herself as a channel through which gifts of the spirit world flow to others. These gifts do not originate with her. In fact, Yvonne is often in awe of what a healing music session evokes for those for whom she plays and sings. People often share this with Yvonne in the days or weeks after a session, but Yvonne herself leaves it entirely up to them whether or not to share, as they wish.

Some years ago, I experienced this healing music with Yvonne in person - that is, while physically present in the room with her. When I experienced this in person, the music had a deeply calming effect. It was in the evening at my home, so I went to bed right after the healing music session and slept very soundly. The calming effect lasted noticeably into the next day.

On the morning of my cardiac catheter ablation, Yvonne again did this healing music for me. Yvonne is not a morning person and she lives in the Mountain Time Zone (an hour earlier than the Central Time Zone where I am located in New Orleans), but she got up early enough to begin playing and singing at 7 a.m. MDT, and she did not stop until approximately 11 a.m. MDT when she received the phone call that the procedure was over and I was fine. Yvonne was with me in this special way the whole time.

POSTSCRIPT: I am writing this postscript after completing this post. I originally intended to write one post on Yvonne's gift of healing music. That was before I realized where this writing would take me. The writing has taken me to such a surprising insight that I have decided to end this post with that important insight. This post, then, will reflect on the gifts of comfort, presence, and healing that I received through Yvonne's playing and singing for me. My next post will continue my reflections on Yvonne's gift.

Here are some of the benefits I received from Yvonne's gift of healing music during my hospital experience.

COMFORT. This comfort was tangible for me. I truly felt comfort in knowing that my friend was with me throughout the time of my medical procedure. Yvonne devoted the entire morning to me in an intense and concentrated way. She wasn't thinking of me while also going about her daily tasks. She wasn't waiting to hear news of how the procedure went while reading a book. She concentrated her whole attention exclusively on me for four hours. This is hugely comforting.

PRESENCE. Yvonne was present with me. Although she was physically in Colorado while I was physically in New Orleans, she was more present than she would have been if she had been sitting physically right outside the procedure room waiting for news of the outcome while reading the newspaper, chatting on a cell phone, or eating a snack. In fact, the ONLY way in which Yvonne was not present was physically. She was present with me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

We get so caught up in the physical that, if someone isn't physically in the same location as we are, we experience them as not there, as absent. Yet physical presence is the most shallow way of being present. Unless other ways of being present are also involved, physical presence alone is useless. To use a drastic example, if an individual is physically having sex with his or her spouse while mentally and emotionally doing so with someone else, many people would consider this an act of infidelity even though the individual may never have approached that other person physically at all.

Mental presence, emotional presence, and spiritual presence are REAL ways of being present. I know that this is true, even though if remains intangible for me. That is, I didn't actually feel Yvonne's presence as she was playing and singing healing music for me. I simply knew that she was doing this, that she was truly present with me in this deep way - and this knowledge comforted me.

Yvonne does have a more tangible sense of non-physical presence. She told me that, as soon as she sat down at the piano to play and sing for me on the morning of my medical procedure, she could feel my presence right there beside her. She said, "It was as though you were right there in the room with me." I would say that it was more than that. I was right there in the Colorado piano room with Yvonne, and Yvonne was right there in the New Orleans procedure room with me - or perhaps we were right there with each other in a way that has nothing to do with space.

HEALING. The healing music played and sung by Yvonne healed me at a deep level, whether or not I am conscious of it. Actually, I am not conscious of the healing that went on and probably continues to go on as a result of Yvonne's gift. But I know that healing happened and is probably still happening - I know this because it is clear to me that concentrated energy has an effect. Yvonne was intensely concentrating her energy upon me for four hours. Something happened as a result, whether on not I am aware of it.

I might wonder - since Yvonne was playing and singing healing music for me - why I clashed with Nurse Dreadful and why I panicked in the procedure room. Shouldn't the healing music have produced calm? Not necessarily. I can think of at least two reasons why not.

First, I realize now that there is something I could have done and didn't do. In the weeks and days leading up to my procedure, I thought about the gift Yvonne was going to give me and felt comforted. However, on the morning of the procedure itself, I was so focused on getting through the procedure intact that I did not take time to align myself consciously with the healing music, to open myself consciously to receive this gift. I think I could have received more if I had done this.

Second, while feeling calm throughout hospital day would have been a gift that I would love to have received, I believe that the gift I actually needed to receive was far different. It is the gift of insight. The Nurse Dreadful clash and the procedure room panic have led to very useful insights about myself, as my blog posts show.

Also - and I am realizing this with amazement just this moment - I value the insights more than I value calmness. To find myself saying that I value insights more than calmness is HUGE! My life stance thus far has been very different. I have often expressed it like this: "I don't want to grow and become a better person - I just want to avoid pain and discomfort," and "I'd rather not learn the lessons life teaches because they are too painful - it's not worth it." But now, in this hospital experience, I am able to see that it IS worth it. Somehow, I am able to say, "It is worth it to have clashed with Nurse Dreadful and to have panicked in the procedure room because of the insights I have gained from those uncomfortable experiences."

Come to think of it, I don't think I have ever said this about any uncomfortable experience before! Before, I would have said: "No, it was too painful to reach those insights - it wasn't worth it." But this time, it IS worth it.

As I write this, I am becoming aware of just how great a shift this is in my thinking. My writing is also solidifying the shift, making it more concrete and real to me, so that I can choose to work with it in the future and make it a conscious part of my life.

I am also noticing something else about this. It is not quite true to say, "The discomfort of the clash and the panic is worth it because the discomfort is outweighed by the valuable insights." It is more than that. It is that the joy of the insights retro-actively infuses the clash and the panic. The pain of then is absorbed into the joy of now. It is not a question of weighing painful incidents against valuable insights and finding that the insights have greater weight. No. It is that the painful incidents get absorbed into the joy and value of the insights. I mean - the pain is transformed. The pain doesn't cause suffering any more - it causes joy.

I have NEVER experienced this before. All the pain in my life has caused me suffering. I have weighed the pain against the joy and decided that the small amount of joy simply isn't worth enduring the large amount of pain. Conclusion: Life isn't worth it. Resultant life stance: My life goal has been to get from here to the grave as safely and painlessly as possible. I have often said, "If it is true that we actually choose to come to earth, I must have chosen to do so in a moment of utter cosmic insanity." I have often imagined the day when a doctor will tell me, "You have just x amount of time to live," and with what relief I will exclaim, "Finally, finally, I am getting out of here - it will be over!"

But now I have had an experience that opens a whole new way to approach life. I have actually experienced being able to say, "This painful event is worth it because of the insights I have gained. Indeed, the value of the insights infuses the pain. The pain has lost its quality of suffering and has become part of the joy."

I would like to reach a place where I can also say, "This entire life is worth it," and "The pain of this life no longer causes me suffering but joy." For the first time, I glimpse this as a very real possibility.

I began this section saying that I knew that Yvonne's playing and singing had effected and was effecting healing in me even though I was not consciously aware of the healing. I am ending this section aware of a tremendous area of healing.

THIS is the healing I have received from Yvonne's gift of music - to have actually experienced the fact that pain can be transformed from suffering to joy and to know that life can truly be worth it.

Hospital Experience #7: Thank You, Merry

Dear Merry,

How can I ever thank you for your friendship and support throughout the recent hospital experience we shared.

The moment I told you about the medical procedure I needed, you immediately offered to accompany me - to drive me to the hospital and stay with me the whole time. I didn't even have to ask - you were so quick to offer. Thank you, Merry.

In the weeks and days leading up to the hospital procedure, you listened deeply to me. You allowed me to express my feelings, and you have so kindly and gently helped me to see ways that I make myself anxious - such as repeating all the 101 stories I know about everything that can go wrong in a hospital! Because you have made me aware of this unhelpful behavior, I was largely able to stop myself from doing it! Thank you, Merry.

You have willingly taken on the heavy responsibility of being my back-up medical power of attorney person, in the event that my primary power of attorney person should be unable to act. This is a huge responsibility to assume for a friend. It has given me great peace of mind to know that, should I become unable to make medical decisions for myself and should my primary power of attorney person be unable to act for me, decisions about my welfare would be made by such a dear and trusted friend as you are. Thank you, Merry.

You got up very early to get me to the hospital well in advance of the 6 a.m. appointment time. You even agreed to leave fifteen minutes earlier than we had planned because I got nervous about arriving early enough to allow for parking and for negotiating all the hospital corridors. You are not a morning person, and I know that this cost you, but you were willing to do it for me. Thank you, Merry.

At the hospital, you took the stairs with me rather than the elevator, even though we were carrying my belongings, because you know that I am scared of elevators. Thank you, Merry.

Once in the hospital room, you were immediately attentive to my comfort, finding a way to adjust the hospital gown so that it fit more comfortably. Thank you, Merry.

You were constantly alert to what I might need, especially in communicating with the hospital staff. When I asked for two extra pillows and the nurse indicated that it might not be so easy to find them, you jumped right in to explain that I needed them to help me stay in position at night while using my C-PAP machine for sleep apnea. You made sure the nurse knew that I was expressing a real need and not just a personal preference for extra pillows. Thank you, Merry.

You held my hand and comforted me as the nurse tried to find a vein for the IV port and I became more and more upset. This couldn't have been pleasant for you, and yet you stayed right there with your calm and calming presence. Thank you, Merry.

You helped me to keep perspective when things upset me - such as the above-mentioned nurse, whom I found to be "dreadful" and whom you found to be "not a good match for you." Yet you were fully accepting of my extremely negative feelings about the nurse, and because of that, although I didn't show it at the time, I really took in your more balanced perspective about her to reflect on later. Often over the years, you have nudged me toward a more balanced view of life by lovingly accepting my feelings and gently offering a different perspective. Thank you, Merry.

You allowed me to express irritation without losing your own calm and steadiness. And I know that I was at times quite irritated. I was not pleasant company at those times, yet you remained your loving self toward me. Thank you, Merry.

You were thoroughly prepared to talk with the doctor after the procedure. You asked the doctor every question on the list I had given you, and you wrote down the answers for me. This was extremely helpful. Thank you, Merry.

You were ready to make a series of telephone calls to friends and family members right after I came out of the procedure, some to people you hadn't even met. Thank you, Merry.

You kept vigil for me at the hospital while I was in the procedure room. You were there. I wasn't alone. Thank you, Merry.

You stayed with me throughout the loooooong afternoon when I had to lie still for several hours. It was comforting to have you in the room with me. Thank you, Merry.

You very sweetly fed me my banana lunch and held a cup of water for me to drink so that I could have a mid-day meal without lifting my head. Thank you, Merry.

You didn't freak out during the bleeding incident in the bathroom. You were right there, calm and calming as ever. Thank you, Merry.

At every moment, you made it so easy for me to accept your help without feeling awkward or embarrassed. Thank you, Merry.

You drove me home in the afternoon and carried ALL my belongings upstairs to my apartment. Thank you, Merry.

It was a very long day for you of constant giving, and yet your support and attentiveness never wavered. Thank you, Merry.

I am richly blessed to have you as a friend. Thank you for being there for me in so many large and small ways during this hospital experience and over the years. Your friendship is a great joy in my life.

Thank you, Merry.

With Love & Gratitude,

Karen Ashley

Hospital Experience #6: Friendship

This is my sixth post on my recent experience at Ochsner Hospital - having a cardiac catheter ablation procedure to correct a heart arrhythmia. Previous posts have described the experience and reflected on particular aspects of it.

This post will be about the importance of friends and their support during my hospital experience. I include family members here as well because I don't have an immediate family. Once I left my parents' nest, I never did marry or form a family of my own. My family consists of my sisters and brothers and their children, all of whom live in their own homes. This makes my family members seem more like friends.

Here are some of the ways my friends supported me.

ACCOMPANYING ME. I find that it is crucial to have an accompanying friend when undergoing a hospital procedure. Merry was my accompanying friend. Merry's presence helped tremendously to reassure me while strangers (the nurses) were doing things to me.

I have specific proof, from a visit to the emergency room about ten years ago, that a friend's presence is measureably calming. At that time, I went to the emergency room because of odd pains in my left arm (which turned out to be nothing serious). However, anxious as I was, my blood pressure was found to be quite high. My sister Maria was called to come be with me. When my blood pressure was taken again, shortly after Maria's arrival, it had come WAY down. I know that this was because Maria's presence allowed me to relax.

An accompanying friend also provides an extra pair of ears to get information from the doctor after the procedure. At this time, the patient isn't exactly in her best and most alert state. Merry certainly did this for me. I had given her a list of questions that I wanted to ask the doctor, and Merry asked every question and recorded the answers.

Merry also provided practical assistance. For several hours after the procedure, I had to lie flat enough so as not to bend at the hip. My head and chest were slightly elevated (using the elevation function of the hospital bed), but I was not to lift my head. I could eat and drink but needed to do those things slowly and preferably with some assistance. Merry very sweetly fed me a banana lunch and held a cup of water for me to drink, so that I could have a mid-day meal.

OFFERING HELP. It felt very good to know that friends were there to help me if needed. I had more offers of help than I needed, but every offer let me know that I was supported - a very encouraging feeling.

I especially want to mention David, who was all set to drive me home from the hospital on the morning following the procedure and to keep an eye on me during my first day and night back home. David had set aside that whole day and night for me - only I was unexpectedly allowed to return home on the same day with Merry and didn't need anyone with me, since the ablation part of the procedure was not performed. (The procedure did locate the source of my heart arrhythmia but did not ablate it because the arrhythmia turned out to be in a non-ablatable location.)

I also want to mention Donna Glee, a registered nurse living in North Carolina and a life-long friend, who very generously offered to come all the way to New Orleans to accompany me throughout hospital day.

And I want to mention Ellen and Paul, who very kindly offered their home as a place for me to recuperate, if needed, when I came home from the procedure.

THINKING OF AND PRAYING FOR ME. It was wonderful to know that friends were thinking of and praying for me. Some even told me exactly how they were doing this. My brother Danny, for example, said that he was lighting and burning a candle for me right then and there.

CONTACTING ME. Quite a few friends contacted me by phone or email shortly before the procedure to assure me of their thoughts and prayers and to remind me of their offers of help.

There were some surprises in this. Kate called me the day before the procedure to let me know she was thinking of me and to check once again to see if there was anything I needed that she could provide. Kate is the Chair of the English Department at Loyola University New Orleans. Kate and I get together for lunch about once a year. Kate is not a close friend (though I certainly enjoy her company), and she has time-consuming responsibilities as a department chair. I was touched at her heartfelt expressions of concern.

People who are not mentioned elsewhere in this post and from whom I also received encouraging messages - in person, by telephone, or through email - include Annie, Barbara, Carmen, Debbie, Elaine, Ellen (a different Ellen from the Ellen who offered her home as a place for me to recuperate), Jim, Joe, John, Judy, Julia, Kathy, Ken, Lola, Marcia, Marcy, Marsha, Susan, and my IUP-ABD Club buddies from the Indiana University of Pennsylvania - Daniela, Deborah, Gail, and Janet. Deborah actually emailed me a positive vision of how well the procedure would go - she wrote out a story of the positive things I would do and how well I would feel, something tangible and vivid for me to imagine.

VISITING ME. David (a different David from the David who had planned to drive me home from the hospital) came to visit me in the hospital on his lunch hour. This was very encouraging. I would have had a couple of other visitors if I had stayed overnight as expected - but I was unexpectedly allowed to go home the same day.

PROVIDING INFORMATION. This can be done by a knowledgeable friend. Donna Glee, a registered nurse, provided me with extremely helpful information based on her medical knowledge. This information greatly reassured me and provided tips that helped me to have a more comfortable experience.

KEEPING VIGIL. This is a very special and time-consuming thing that can be done for a friend in the hospital. It involves consciously being present in spirit with the friend when it is not possible to be present physically.

Merry, for instance, could not be in the procedure room, but she kept vigil in my hospital room while I was having the procedure.

Yvonne could not be in New Orleans, but she kept vigil for me in a unique way from her home in Colorado. A pianist, Yvonne played and sang healing music for me throughout the actual time of the procedure, stopping only when she received the phone call that the procedure was over and that I was fine.

LISTENING DEEPLY. Several friends did this for me in the days and weeks before and the days following the hospital experience. They listened to my feelings, asked helpful questions (as in "Karen Ashley, what exactly are you afraid will happen?"), helped me adjust some of my thinking (as in "Karen Ashley, I think you increase your anxiety when you repeat those 101 stories you know about everything that can possibly go wrong in a hospital"), and helped me process the experience and its meaning for me.

Those who did this include David (the David who had planned to drive me home from the hospital), Donna Glee, my sister Janet, Merry, and Yvonne.

BEING READY FOR AN EMERGENCY. What a comfort it is to know that things will be taken care of in an emergency. In the case of this recent procedure, everything went well and there was no emergency, yet several generous people were willing to step in if things had gone seriously awry. This was extremely unlikely to happen, but you never know.

Three generous people have been willing to take on the heavy responsibility of making decisions for me and handling my affairs if I should be incapable of doing so myself or if I should die. Richard is my medical power of attorney person, Merry is my back-up power of attorney person if Richard cannot act as such, and Janet and Richard are co-executors of my will. It feels so good to have this taken care of.

Phoebe, a priest at Trinity Episcopal Church, was willing to be on call in the very unlikely event of something going wrong during the procedure. Let us say that my heart had been damaged or that I had had a stroke during the procedure - or that I had gone into a coma or even died - all very remote possibilities, but still marginally possible. Phoebe would have come - most importantly to be there with Merry. Merry is a calm and calming person, but it's hard to imagine that Merry wouldn't be somewhat freaked out by a catastrophe happening to me during what was supposed to be a fairly safe procedure. Friends and family members would also come right away in such an event, of course, but they would be emotionally upset, whereas Phoebe would be a steadying presence. It's wonderful to know that a priest will come if needed.

William, the priest I know best, would have been available for this, except that he was out of town the week of my procedure. However, he reminded me that the spiritual and practical resources of the church were available to me and saw to it that my name was placed on the church's prayer list, that Phoebe would be available, and that the church would be ready to help in any way needed.

Truly, I am richly blessed with loyal and supportive friends. I am grateful.